Question: It has just been a year that we got married after a 3-year long relationship and my husband seems to have lost all interest in me. Earlier he used to ask me about my whereabouts and me in general but off late he is least bothered about where I am, where I go, who I meet, who calls me etc. I am worried. Has he fallen out of love after marriage or is he having an affair?
Answer: Your statements reflect that you are feeling quite insecure at this time. If you carefully look into the thoughts that you have mentioned, they are likely to make you feel more anxious and distressed. Your distress is likely to manifest in your behaviour and it could make matters worse.I suggest the following:
- Try to look for reasons like 'Is he facing any work related stress?'; 'Is he keeping quite busy because of work commitments?". Also look for reasons pertaining to any change in your own attitude towards him over a period.
- Try taking out some time together. You could perhaps find out time for hobbies that both of you enjoyed/can enjoy together.
- Try healthy communication with a listening approach, allowing him to vent out his concerns. Do not feel distressed if he makes any negative comments towards you. Try to view the situation objectively. After listening to him patiently and carefully, do express your perspectives and concerns. It is the approach that matters.
- Try to express your feelings in a positive way for example you miss him these days and you wish to spend more time with him. Try to maintain a positive body language. Try to clear misunderstandings. Try and respect each other's feelings in the process. Both of you should try to bring about positive changes in your own behaviours, which in a way would be a reflection of mutual concern and respect for each other's feelings. Both of you need to discuss priorities and boundaries in a clear manner. A patient polite approach both ends shall help.
Dr. Sameer Malhotra, Sr Consultant Psychiatry & Psychotherapy